08. Wife of a Fallen Preacher

The Fallen Pastor’s Wife

The position of pastor’s wife is never easy. They often live in a glass house and are judged by a different set of standards that are others in the church. On the outside the role often looks glamorous, but behind closed doors it can often be a very painful and difficult one. However, there is very few things more difficult for a pastor’s wife to face the fact that her pastor/husband has betrayed her trust and violated their marriage vows.

It always hurts when a lady has experienced the bitter betrayal of her husband’s adulterous affair, but imagine the added burden upon the wife of a pastor. Not only is she facing a threat to her marriage, but she is also facing the realization that life as she has known it is coming to an end. She will no longer be the pastor’s wife. She will no longer be assured that her husband has an income. Some will blame her for not being a good enough wife to her pastor/husband. Some will begin to see things that they consider to be faults in her that they will use as their gossip fodder. She not only has lived in a glass house, but now the glass has been shattered. When a pastor falls we cannot forget the pastor’s wife.

If you are a pastor’s wife whose husband has committed adultery please do not despair. There is hope for your life as well as for your marriage. Do not lose your faith. Do not lose hope. Do not live in guilt and shame. Do not live in despair. Your standing may have changed with your church and even with your husband, but it has not changed with your heavenly Father. Lean on him. Trust in him. Believe that He sees a future that you do not see. God not only sees the light at the end of your tunnel, He is that light at the end of your tunnel. Keep your eyes on Him and you will see that light. It is not a train coming at you. It is a warm fire waiting for you.

Do not focus on what you’ve lost. Do not focus on the pain of the trial. Do not focus on the fear of the future. Focus on your heavenly Father. He will see you through this. Others have faced it as well. God will use you one day to be a blessing to others because of what you are experiencing now. Believe that. There is hope for your future. There is hope for today. God will provide. He will be there for you and he will be there for your children.

Do not give up on your husband or your marriage. Ask God to help you to forgive your husband’s failure. Ask God to help restore your marriage and family. That should be your first and foremost goal if it’s at all possible. Maybe it is not. Perhaps he has chosen to walk away. If so, do not let bitterness choke the joy out of your life. Your children need you to be strong, not in yourself, but strong in the Lord and in the power of HIS might.

Through it all keep your spirit sweet and calm. In the midst of crisis keep your eyes on the Lord. Your children need that from you. They need to believe that you still trust the Lord even if your husband has abandoned you and them. You are not the first lady who has walked this path nor will you be the last. That means there are others who can encourage you from their experiences. It also means there are others who you will be able to encourage from yours.

“All things work together for good” includes this even though now you can see no good in it. Believe that God sees the good that can come from it and trust him to bring it about for his glory. He loves you. He is watching over you. Hold tightly to Isaiah 41:10, “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.” Remember, that even Hagar remained under the care of a loving God when Abraham abandoned her. God certainly will be with you in a loving and gracious manner.

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