19. The Other Woman

The Other Woman

In the scope of all that happens when a pastor has been caught in an adulterous situation the “other woman” is often forgotten and neglected. She is also often treated like the woman caught in the act of adultery who was brought to Jesus. She can easily become the scapegoat for what happened to the church because of the pastor’s affair. There are some observations that need to be made regarding this person who was involved in the fall of the pastor. Please carefully consider these thoughts.

  1. She is not the villain. No matter how bad the situation was, she is not the villain. She is a sinner who was overtaken in a fault by a sin. She should not be blamed for what happened. She should not become the object of scandal or scorn. She should not be treated with contempt. She should not be treated like a harlot. She did not plan to destroy a pastor, a family ,or a church. In a fault she was overtaken by her sin.
  1. She is not a victim. Just as much as she is not a villain, she is neither a victim. Some people want to turn these “other women” into victims of the pastor. Perhaps his position was what attracted her, but she is as responsible for her behavior as anyone else. He may be more responsible for the carnage that takes place within the church, but she is responsible for the choices she made. Don’t make her a victim in order to hurt the pastor more. There are those who love to find victims so that they can take up a cause against someone. Making her a victim is not in her best interest.
  1. She needs restoration. Just as anyone who has been overtaken in a fault she needs spiritual people to restore her. She needs to be given the attention and care necessary to bring her back into fellowship with God. Do not neglect her.
  1. She is not a weapon to be used against the pastor. So many women who have been involved in high-profile affairs have been used merely to destroy and bring further damage to the man with whom she was involved. That is wicked. If that is your motive, you are evil. How dare someone scandalize the name of someone who was involved in an affair just to further damage someone they either do not like, or who they feel has hurt them.
  1. She needs people to protect her. The so-called “other woman” is vulnerable to the “vengeance” vultures. She is also vulnerable to the Pharisees. The spiritual people within the church must surround her to protect her from those who would use her as a tool and those who would abuse her because of their self-righteous attitudes.
  1. Her family is hurting too. Typically these “other women” have family within the church who have also been affected by what happened. Be careful not to carelessly make them into collateral victims. Do everything possible to be sensitive to her husband, her children, her parents or others who are a part of her family.
  1. She can be useful for Christ again. If we do not make her the villain or the victim and we do a good job of spiritually restoring her, then her life can count again. God can take that which she did and heal it in order for her to be used again.

Whenever there is an adulterous situation in the church there is the “other woman” who was involved with that pastor. They should not be forgotten, nor be destroyed by our carelessness, our callousness, or our bitterness.

Tips for the “other woman”

  1. Repent of your sin. God stands waiting to forgive you and cleanse you. Be tender and broken before him just as we see David was in Psalm 51.
  1. Do not be overcome with guilt and shame. Some will see you for your sins, but soon they will see you as one who is walking in God’s loving grace. Be a testimony of the forgiveness of God. Do not walk around in the guilt and shame in which Satan wants to bind you. Because of your actions, your standing may have changed with your church, and even with your husband, but it has not changed with your heavenly Father. Lean on him. Trust in him. Believe that He sees a future that you do not see. God not only sees the light at the end of your tunnel, He is that light at the end of your tunnel. Keep your eyes on Him and you will see that light. It is not a train coming at you. It is a warm fire waiting for you.
  1. Do not let bitterness overtake you. The man you allowed yourself to be involved with is merely a sinner. You may pay a bitter price for your actions and feel you have carried the brunt of the blame or pain. Do not let your bitterness choke you from the blessing of a God who loves you and seeks to restore you to himself.
  1. Do not focus on what you’ve lost. Do not focus on the pain of the consequences of your sins. Do not focus on the fear of the future. Focus on your heavenly Father. He will see you through this. Others have faced it as well. God will use you one day to be a blessing to others because of what you are experiencing now. Believe that. There is hope for your future. There is hope for today. God will provide. He will be there for you and he will be there for your children.
  1. Do not give up on your husband or your marriage. Ask God to help your husband to forgive your failure. Ask God to help restore your marriage and family. That should be your first and foremost goal if it’s at all possible. Maybe it is not. Perhaps he has chosen to walk away as a result of your affair. If so, do not let bitterness choke the joy out of your life. Your children need you to be strong, not in yourself, but strong in the Lord and in the power of HIS might.
  1. Do let others stir up your anger towards the pastor. There are those who have an agenda to hurt the work of God. They will try to make you into a victim and trap you there forever. They will steal from you the ability to get past the defeat and move forward to victory. They are not sympathizers. They are vengeance vultures whose agenda is destruction. Avoid them and live in victory not victimization.

May God bless you dear one. You sinned because you are a sinner, but remember, where sin both abound, grace doth MUCH MORE abound. Accept the truths of God’s love and acceptance and let your life count for Him once again.

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