11. Wounded By Another’s Fall
Recently, I have been asked by a couple of people how to overcome issues of trust.In each case they had been betrayed by someone close to them to whom they had given their trust. Now they are struggling to give their trust to others, especially to those closest to them.
Trust can be difficult when our trust has been shattered by someone. Many people struggle with issues of trust and it leaves them with broken or damaged relationships. So what can you do to trust when your truster has been broken?
1 . Realize that you can and should trust the Lord. Perhaps trust for others begins with trust for the Lord.If we trust Him, He will give us confidence in others, but that confidence will be secondary to our confidence in Him. Even when others betray us, our confidence will still be strong in the Lord and it will not be destroyed.
2 . Trust in His goodness to see you through hurt and betrayals. If you trust the Lord first and foremost, you can immediately lean on Him when someone has betrayed you. In so doing, your trust in Him will remind you, that even the worst betrayals can be made into something good for His glory.
3 . Remember the places where we have been broken, can often become the strongest places. God can take broken trust and make it stronger than ever before, as long as we keep our trust in Him. If a spouse has betrayed you, it does not mean you must have less trust in the future. It may mean you have a stronger and healthier trust instead. Your trust will be tempered with understanding.
4 . Learn from past trust failures. The Bible says to trust in the Lord with all your heart. Perhaps you will learn from the hurt and betrayal, not to place too much trust in any person, but to keep your trust in the Lord. Let me give you an example. If I am walking on a tightrope 100 feet above ground, I must put all of my trust in that tight rope to hold me up. However,if I am walking on that same tight rope, + 6 inches above the ground,I have less need to trust the tightrope because I can trust the ground below it. Keep your trust in people close to the Lord. You will need to trust them less, if you have the Lord close by, who you know you can trust.
5 . Concern yourself more about being trustworthy,then in needing to trust other people. Focus on your own trustworthiness and less on the trustworthiness of others. You cannot control other people’s trustworthiness but you can control your own. Be confident in the Lord’s trustworthiness then focus on being trustworthy yourself. The more people can lean on you, the more sweet relationships you will have. When you are needing to lean on others, your security then becomes subject to their trustworthiness, and that will leave you insecure.
6 . Make trust a gift, not a reward. We love unconditionally, knowing that sometimes our love will go unrewarded. When love is reciprocated, it is all the more sweet. Likewise, we should give trust freely and without conditions.Too often people talk about earning trust, yet trust cannot be earned, until it is first given.Trust is not earned, it is proven. If they are not trustworthy, we can at least know we gave them the opportunity to prove the trust that we gave them.That is what God does for us.
7 . Do not make someone else pay for the trust that someone else violated. When you distrust someone based on another’s actions, you are stealing from yourself the joy of giving trust. You are also making them pay for someone else’s misuse of your trust. In other words, don’t put a price on your trust merely because someone in the past, abused it.
8 . Be thankful when trust is rewarded. It is not enough to punish those who violate our trust. We should also be grateful and express that gratitude to ones who reward our trust with trustworthiness.
Never give up on trust. Just as love can sometimes bring hurt when one we love hurts us, we must realize that trust is worthy for us to embrace, even when it fails us.Do not give up on trust. It is a necessary part of our lives, but keep the right perspective and be careful to do the right things when your truster has been broken.